MBLAQ Fanfic: A Virus Called Hatred - Chapter 1


My knees bounce as I wait anxiously for the doctor to return with the test results.
Nothings wrong, I tell myself, I probably just have indigestion or something.
Several days ago I started feeling really bad pains in my abdomen and figured I just ate something wrong, but since it still hasn't gone away my manager told me to go get it checked out just to be safe....

***

I lean against the wall, steadying myself and feeling dizzy and nauseous from shock, two words the doctor said echoing painfully in my head: Terminal cancer.
Why? What did I do to deserve this? WHY?! Tears roll down my cheeks and a few people give me a strange look as I trudge towards the door. I push through the door, finding myself outside among the thousands that roam Seoul in the early hours of the evening. I watch as passerby’s go about whatever seems so important at this moment in their life. The subway ride back to the dorm seems painfully long as it stops and starts again at each station along the way. Finally reaching my destination I walk the short distance to the dormitory and head into ours. I peek inside and hear the familiar and cheery voices of my members. What am I supposed to tell them? How am I supposed to tell them?

“Hyung!” I look up at Thunder who's smiling happily at me, “How was the check-up?” Before I know
what I'm doing, I just nod, painting a fake smile on my face.

“That's good, you hungry? You still haven't eaten.” SeungHo stands but I stop him.

“No, no, It's fine hyung! I'm actually pretty tired, I'm gonna go to sleep,” waving goodnight to them I go into my dark room, closing the door behind me.

Walking past Thunder's bed and to my own I sit on the edge, too deep in thought to move. I can't tell them. It would break their hearts... what would happen to MBLAQ? What going to happen? I only have 6 months... I feel my breathing become shallow as the thought sinks in. I only have 6 more months to live. 6. A sharp pain in my hand startles me and I realize I was clenching my fist so hard my nails cut into my skin, small trickles of blood now dripping down from the cuts. Burying myself in the covers of my bed, my head fills with so many thoughts it hurts. What do I tell my family? What about the guys? And the fans? What about my job, my life? What do I do? I hear a burst of hysteric laughter from outside the door from the guys and my heart starts to pound a little faster. I can't tell them. I won't. Wouldn't that just make them feel sorry for me? I would have to quit MBLAQ. Then what would my precious 6 months of life be? Won't they be sad though, when the time finally comes... They're my best friends. I know what I would feel if one of them was me. I would want to die myself, I love them so much. What if... what if they didn't love me? Would that make it better in the end? I don't want anyone's pity that's for sure. Could I make them hate me? How? Could they even hate me? I don't think I could them. I hear the door open and Thunder falls into his bed loudly,

“Night hyung!!” He laughs, kicking the door shut.

I can't make him stop laughing like that I have to make it so that when I die, they won't be sad. If Thunder, or any of them, stopped laughing because of me I'd rather they hate me. I will make them hate me so that when I'm gone, they can move on; still enjoying life, still laughing happily.